I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
