Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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