I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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