would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
