Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
