girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
