There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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