and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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