I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
