The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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