I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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