Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
