Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
