I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
