So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
