Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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