A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
