Sry I called you an 8
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
