can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
