Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
