Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
