hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
