her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We're too hungover to prance.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
