Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Shame - the story of my life.
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