Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
