Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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