Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
