cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
