cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
