I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
