I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
