ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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