He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
