WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
