Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
