To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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