Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
