Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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