you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
