How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
