woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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