even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
