Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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