we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
