I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
