It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
