the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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