OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
