Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
