Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
