alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
