She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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