Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
