My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
