I smell stomach acid.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
