I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
