I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
